So, in what appears to be becoming a tradition, I am trying to slow cook bacon for the first time. After the first 15 minutes, my kitchen smelled like bacon. And now, after an hour and a half, my entire domicile is infused with the scent of bacon (and it’s making me ravenous). However, this is not what i want to talk about tonight.

Not to imply there is a procrastinator present or anything, but this last Wednesday, i whipped up a couple loaves of beer bread (which will receive a couple posts dedicated to it at a later date) along with a bastardized version of a bastardized version of a coworker’s buffalo chicken dip. Said coworker brought their version of the buffalo chicken dip to flight function and it was found to be AMAZING. When inquired, coworker was kind enough to write down most of the ingredient list and verbalized cooking instructions. Naturally, by the time i got around to recreating this masterpiece, i had forgotten half the directions and, thusly, random quantities were thrown into a crock pot and there was much hoping for the best. Since that… “incident”, clarification was sought and received from said coworker. So, with the entire recipe and clarification on hand, along with the wrong type of and still-frozen chicken, on Wednesday morning, the thought was “meh, fuck it”. Now, without naming names and without further ado:

Jess’s Buffalo Chicken Dip (Bastardized by Chef Sarge [Second Iteration])

20 oz ± 2 oz chicken breast
12 oz bottle Frank’s Spicy Hot
16 oz cream cheese
4 cups mexican cheese mix
~1/4 – 1/2 cup ranch dressing


Pull out cheeses so they can reach room temperature. Add Frank’s Spicy Hot to saucepan. Cook chicken in Spicy Hot until 165 degrees. Vigorously shred chicken (and in the process, break a fork…*). Add chicken, spicy hot, and “squirt” of ranch to container and mix together with broken fork (used a ziploc container w/ lid to take it to work). Combine chicken/spicy/ranch with cheeses in ~3 quart crock pot set to low and mix ingredients together. Cook on low ~2.5 hours stirring periodically until cheeses are melted and  everything’s combined. Set crock pot to warm and serve with chips. (I recommend those scoop-chip-thingies personally.)

* Mental Note: Buy more solid forks and/or silverware.